Humor

Contributed by Robert Cerro

Robert's explanation: "Whenever I'm traveling in my car with my niece (who I've corrupted into a die-hard Bond fan at the age of seven) and I need a way to help her pass the time, I always ask her to invent combined Bond movie titles in her head that could be used for future film titles." So here are those rather inventive (and funny) "combined Bond movie titles."

The Man with the Golden Finger

Amputee agent leaves his calling card at each of his victims' crime scenes: a gold-dipped finger with a different fingerprint at each scene. Bond is called in when the Prime Minister's daughter becomes a victim.

You'll Only Scare the Living Daylights Out of Me Twice

Evil geneticist develops the first line of functioning human clones, all of whom are programmed to infiltrate top world governments at precisely the same time. Bond has to eliminate all of them in a twenty-four hour period, in a race against the clock.

Never Say Tomorrow Never Dies Again

Elliot Carver's illegitimate son takes over his defunct media empire, in an attempt to set-up a global communications network bent on broadcasting terrorism messages and instructions to factions world-wide.

Live and Let Die Another Day

Imprisoned Freedom Fighters break out of captivity in the Middle East, make it back to London and Washington, only to find their services needed by James Bond once again to help bust a terror network.

From Russia with the Golden Gun

Scaramanga's daughter by way of a KGB agent puts on her father's holster, for a vengeful battle with 007 in Siberia.

Diamonds are Not Enough

Industrialist in South Africa develops a new mine yielding diamonds that produce a laser light powerful enough to tear through orbiting satellites. Bond is sent to recover all of the existing specimens, and shut down the operation.

Thunderpussy

Beautiful ace fighter pilot and veteran of Desert Storm recruits a team of female top guns to perform in an airshow outside London. 007, her ex-lover of course, is asked to join them as their British liaison. Little does he know that she has revenge on her mind.

A View To a Licence to Kill

Bond travels to Texas, searching for clues in the Enron mess. He meets up with the owner of a target practice range, where he brushes up on his sharp-shooting skills. Unbeknownst to 007, he is being watched by the sponsor of a secret survivor-type game, who plans on recruiting Bond as the head of his team.

The Spy from Her Majesty's Secret Service Who Loved the Man with the Golden Eyes Only Lives Twice

M's top female 00 agent is sent to follow the trail of a fashion designer - her former lover, who is planning a runway show for the queen complete with beautiful model-assassins. David Bowie stars as the man with the golden eyes. Jennifer Aniston stars as the 00 agent who fakes her own death in an effort to zero-in on Bowie's plot. Pierce Brosnan as Bond steps in when the 00 agent's loyalty is called into question. Carly Simon, Lulu, and Nancy Sinatra all sing the title song, written by Iggy Pop.

Diamonds Are Never For Your Eyes Only

Short story wherein Bond is trapped inside Tiffany & Co.'s New York headquarters with a sexy, yet pushy saleswoman.

Dr. No Loved Goldfinger Forever

Mr. Kidd & Mr. Wint's favorite 007 adventure, wherein the two villains form an easy alliance.

Never Let Your Eyes Spy For Her Majesty

007 is called upon to trail the exploits of one of the Royals, who is being a bit indiscrete in his affairs.

Th underneath The Mango Tree

Another short story wherein James Bond finds himself caught in a hurricane in Jamaica, alongside a beautiful Playboy centerfold queen who has a story to tell.

Live And Let Her Majesty's Eyes View The World Again

Bond narrowly saves the Queen's life after a bomb explodes in Royal Albert Hall, temporarily blinding her.

The Spy With The Secret Love

Wherein we find out that Major Anya Amasova always has had a thing for Octopussy.

You Never Let Me View The World With Your Eyes

Bibi returns after mounting a successful skating career, and 007 finds her to be as bratty as ever. Jacoba Brink is back too, and this time she's the one chasing Bond, seeking romance and high adventure.

Die For Tomorrow

Anxious child prodigy plots world domination via a new persuasive internet service, but with his "Live for today" attitude, he simply can't wait for all of the elements to line up.

Never Kill For The Living

Bond finds himself on a mysterious island, surrounded by George Romero-esque characters who worship a modern incarnation of Baron Samedi.

The Spy From Russia Let The Man With The Golden Finger View Her Octopussy Twice

The closest we'll ever get to an X-rated Bond flick. Heath Ledger plays Bond. Pamela Anderson is the Russian agent.

Never Say Never Again Is Not Enough For The Man Who Loved Thunderball

My thoughts exactly...